How did you feel when you first found out you had breast cancer?
When I first found out that I have breast cancer, I was in disbelief, I couldn’t fathom at 31 years old with two small Children, what that would mean for my life and for me as a mom. So it was kind of surreal. And I went through a lot of emotions like shock, grief, denial and even guilt, even though I knew it wasn’t my fault, I felt guilty about it. And um it really took me some time to sit with those emotions. But then the tide began to change and I realized that just because I had a breast cancer diagnosis, it didn’t mean that I had to stop being or creating or dreaming or fulfilling my purpose. And in fact, I think my breast cancer diagnosis gave me purpose because it’s allowed me to give back in ways I never thought possible.
How do you feel about your journey now?
To be honest. I have a bittersweet relationship with cancer because on one hand, it’s cancer take things from you that you can never get back. Things that are priceless things that are invaluable your time. But then on the other hand, here comes the sweet part and gratefulness enters the room and I’ve been able to realize that life is a gift. And so I have a real appreciation for the value of time and we don’t know how much time we have on this earth. And so you have to use it wisely. And so every morning I wake up grateful and I also feel like cancer has caused me to say yes to things that I know I normally wouldn’t have. So I challenge myself and push myself to do things outside of my comfort zone. And so I feel like I’ve grown a lot because of this journey and it’s made me proud of the woman I’ve become today. I would have to say the most challenging part of my journey has been acceptance.
What was the most challenging part of your journey?
They say life is what happens when you’re busy making plans and anyone who knows me knows that I’m an organized planner. I like to have like all my ducks in a row. So it was difficult for me to sit with the diagnosis and also face all these major decisions that I had to make when I felt like my life should be flowing in a different direction. And so it took me time to actually accept my diagnosis. But then once I did, I was able to accept the fact that I actually had the ability to create something beautiful from something so unfortunate. And I really think that is the most powerful thing about human life is overcoming unexpected challenges. And so when I changed the narrative for myself, I went from feeling like a hopeless victim to being victorious. And it gave me a sense of peace.
What did you do to help you get through the rough times during your journey?
I would consider myself a very spiritual person. So I like to stay grounded in my faith and rooted in prayer. And I also started taking yoga classes during my treatment and I loved it so much that I decided when I was in remission, I was going to go back and become a certified yoga instructor. And so with doing yoga, um during some of my hardest times, I would practice breathing and stealing my mind from anxious thoughts. And once I was able to breathe and still my mind, I became more centered and that brought about self-awareness. And once I was self-aware in a world that felt so chaotic and out of control, I was able to take the control back. And so I would literally meditate and I would picture myself beyond the hurdle. I would picture myself raising my kids and loving my life. And I think the meditation along with the yoga and my faith based values all together helped me to push through even on my darkest days, several different sources of support.
What has been your biggest sources of support throughout your journey?
Uh my family, friends, loved ones and coworkers. And then outside of that, I also joined organizations and community support groups which allowed me to meet other survivors. And on top of that, I actually relied on the hospital I received treatment at so a lot of people don’t know, there are a lot of resources out there for you. So for instance, where I received care, they gave free things such as yoga classes, meditations, therapy, dogs, you name it hair wig, makeup classes. So you just have to utilize all the resources available to you in your area. And I think combining all those things for me, provided the best network and support system.
What have you learned from your journey with breast cancer?
Things I’ve learned throughout my journey with breast cancer, I’ve learned that education is key. So doing research and I’ve learned to show up for myself. I feel like I’ve become more resilient. I feel like I’ve learned to keep courage in my pocket and just bring it out whenever I need it. I’ve also learned to show myself compassion because I am human and we do have good moments and bad moments. So along with that, I’ve learned, it’s ok not to be ok. And so you can have times where it may be rough. But one thing I always tell myself is the best is yet to come and you just have to keep that mindset going. Another thing that I’ve learned is to harness my confidence and to me, confidence is the ability to know you can make it through any circumstance. You may not know the outcome, but you just believe that somehow you’re going to get there step by step.
What advice would you have for someone who is just starting their breast cancer journey?
So if I had to give advice to someone that is newly diagnosed I would say be curious. That means educate yourself, be your own advocate. Partner with an oncologist or medical professional that you vibe with and want that want to see you have the best outcome. I would also recommend getting a journal so that you can write down your thoughts and feelings as you’re going through and processing everything. I would also recommend getting a calendar or an app where you can keep track of your appointments and maybe a shared app where family and friends can log on where you can delegate tasks and they can help you. And this kind of leads me to utilize your village. That one was hard for me because I’ve always been an independent person, but this is the time to let your guard down. They want to help you so those that want to surround you let them embrace you and walk with you through this. And I would also say join a support group, find a group of survivors or a mentor that has been through it. Finally I would say, and this is the most important one for me, watch your thoughts. You are going to have to stand guard at the gate of your mind because your thoughts can help you succeed or they can make you feel. I keep this quote with me “all the water in the world can’t drown you if you don’t let it in.” So you really have to watch your thoughts and have the ability to believe that everything is going to be well and the ability to think I’m going to rise above it all.
