Tell us about your survivor journey.
I had been preparing myself for this journey my whole life and I didn’t even know it! I was about the age of 8 when I first learned about cancer, with my Grandma Agnes Woistman’s diagnosis of Breast Cancer. As I grew up my mom and I wore pink for “Grandma Aggie.” I was a proud supporter, I was passionate about finding a cure.
Fast forward to my sophmore year of college in 2001 when I am given a bid to be a part of the Zeta Tau Alpha Sorority. This sorority supported the philanthropy for breast cancer awareness, and at the time specifically Susan G. Komen. It felt like home to me, and my sorority life and service to breast cancer awareness began. We hosted fundraisers, passed out flyers to “Think Pink” and “Save the tata’s.” We gave dorm halls flyers on how to give self breast exams and to do them monthly. I felt I made a good “Save the booies” philanthropist! I loved wearing the pink ribbon. I loved running the races for a cure. I loved being a part of something that personally affected me. I was a part of this in honor and in memory of my Grandmother is what I thought.
In 2012 my Zeta Little whose name was Amanda (she went missing in 2004 never to be found),blood sister Amelia Ann, sent me a message that delivered devastating news of her diagnosis of breast cancer. Amelia at the time was a young 24. I had never known anyone so young have the diagnosis of breast cancer. I was in shock. To honor my Little in her absence, I promised Amelia I would be there for her, and I thought this was the reason God chose me to be a part of ZTA. This was the a part of the pink road that started with my Grandmother. Little did I know what my future was about to hold.
On October 4th 2018 I heard the news that I indeed had breast cancer, and it was going to definitely require at least a full masectomy (I went with a double and had reconstruction) and chemo. I was pissed. I was in disbelief and I was so so mad. I expected to get breast cancer, I did! I did NOT expect to get breast cancer at the age of 37, in the best shape of my life physically, and given a clean bill of health a few months back, from my physical at my primary care.
The awareness of the tumor began something like this: I was in the shower, and I looked down and noticed that my right breast looked slightly deformed. It looked as if it caved in at the areola and then poked back out at the nipple. All the years of passing out “how to’s” for at home breast exams paid off because I immediately knew something was wrong. I had the ultra sound and mammogram and was told that I would need not one, not two but 3 biopsies! I should have known that I would hear what I did on OCtober 4th; however denial is a powerful feeling, and I did NOT have time for cancer.
I think honestly, after the diagnosis the worst parts were the tricks your mind plays, and the memories that creep out that you didn’t want to relive. The physical comes and goes. Modern medicine, coupled with natural healing medicine is amazing. The miraculous healing that The Lord provides for his own are bountiful if we only do the research. I spent most of my time in this journey fighting the negative thoughts and demanding that I stay and be and do as much positive as I can. I have learned so many life lessons through my cancer journey, and thankfully wrote in journals through much of the journey, so I can reflect in times of strive and remember all that I was able to overcome.
This journey forces a transformation upon you, and it comes with growing pains, and celebrations. It comes with the opportunity to practice the act of truly having Faith. Faith in God’s will for my life. Faith in my own inner strength. Faith in all the blessings that I had experienced prior to “becoming a cancer patient.” Faith in learning a new me, and realizing I can do hard things. For me, the biggest of all, is the KNOWING that we are not alone. Even in our most alone mortal state, we are never alone. In some of my most painstaking times, in the hours when everyone is sleeping, I felt the most support, the most positive energy, the most gratitude in everything I had to battle this war and overcome this event in my life.
I am forever changed. I realize now the mental trauma this disease has for those of us directly affected, as well as the care takers who keep us from wishing for death, who give us hope to keep going, and refuse to let us give up. I was not an easy patient to care for. I had tantrums that were mean and loud and exhausting. My struggling marriage could not withstand the heaviness that the cancer journey brought to our relationship. I was well cared for, I was blessed to have my husband through the most challenging experience of my life. Cancer took me so far out of my comfort zone, and my husband cared for me at my ugliest. At the end of all the surgeries and chemo treatments and miriad of business that comes with being a cancer patient, we both agreed in order to salvage the beauty of the friendship we had left, it would be best to separate before we begin to suffocate each other into hatred. The marriage may have ended, but he is the best man I ever knew, and his everlasting friendship means so much more to me than sharing a life with fake smiles alike.
I pray the worst is behind me, as I become eager to explore the new me. I can never go back to the person I once was, and although it is sad, it is exciting to see all that will become of a newer, stronger, humbler me. Spirit guides us, if we give ourselves time to listen. I have the opportunity to learn patience and to display it with Grace. An action the old me could never have achieved. I learn from the warriors before me, and those that walk alongside and behind me. We learn from the fighters who chose to not give up. We learn from the failures. We learn from the pain. We learn from the fear. We learn from each other. May I always be open to hear the stories of others as so many have been open to hear me.
What has been the biggest source of support through your journey?
Scripture
What are some lessons you have learned throughout your survivor journey?
To be Patient
To have Faith in God
To respect the healing process
To trust your journey
To realize we all have a story
Do you have any advice for a newly diagnosed survivor? What would that advice be and why?
This journey will be unique to you. For me, doing research and understanding my illness and the chemo treatments helped me advocate for my self in a more confident way. I look back and realize how much our body talks to us, and if we listen to it, we will know exactly what to do to heal ourselves. Sometimes our minds can be our biggest enemies. Do not become a prisoner of your mind. Most importantly take this journey one step at a time. It will all begin to make sense, one step at a time.
In the space below, feel free to add any additional information like extra stories, lessons to live by, meaningful life quotes, advice or unique factors that contribute to your survivor journey.
Our bodies are amazing!
